Ok, so maybe cursing in a blog post title isn't appropriate, but my rather adequate vocabulary couldn't come up with a better word for how I'm starting to feel.
We're leaving in three and a half weeks, and frankly we're nowhere near prepared. This isn't a surprise or a complaint, it's just a fact because we're still consumed by our jobs. Don't get me wrong, affairs are coming together - from work prospects to letting go of our affairs and the apartment - and we have ample time to sort things out, but let's put this into context; Rocket and I are moving to South East Asia in less than a month, with the plan of moving on and not returning to Brussels. This means we're shutting it down over here, and that's where the fear starts coming on. Here we are, the loving couple leaving behind our European-based careers and our really great, close friends for, in no understated way, The Great Unknown.
This move, this decision, is beautiful. For me, packing it all up and leaving on an adventure is how life should be lived, and it's also not the first time I've done it. This time it's different though. This time I'm older, wiser, relatively accomplished and more thoughtful of my actions.
What if something doesn't work out? What if we don't like it?? What if we can't stay, or force majeur thwarts us on the path to our dream of the good life and a fulfilled spirit???
Woah, woah. Hold your horses, Marc. Get off the ceiling, sit back down, let your nails grow back...
THAT is not what this is about. This decision is for a better life, and by that a more relaxed, fulfilled, complete life. When I sleep I dream of rain, of cycling in the heat, of shorts and flip flops. When I'm awake, I'm worrying!
And hence the reason for the move. I think the European way of life has led me to be too cautious, too materialistic. Because of my past I've always feared being homeless [again]. Living the Western way has attached me to my comforts, my Xbox, my big ass TV and my access to anything I want. I want to be the guy with a hammock and a shirt on his back and content in the knowledge that that is all he needs, and anything else to persevere towards is luxury.
So there you have it. That's where my mind is. I am shitting myself over the one thing I simply cannot wait to happen. Nonsensical? Oxymoronic? Maybe; Except I suspect you know what I mean : )